Hindsight's a wondrous thing!

For the next couple of months I am helping out my cousin with childcare to fill in the gap before a "proper" childminder can take on her daughter of 17 months. I had already helped out after her daughter was born, an ideal opportunity to see if I would be any good at being a post-natal doula (see more about that here: Like Riding a Bike), so I was very pleased to be able to become a part of her life again.

M with Daddy

She's a lovely girl, very laid back, thoughful, interested in the world around her, and a great eater (parents of fussy eaters like my DS1 will appreciate how crucial that is!). Her Dad is African so she has the most amazing curly hair and when mum puts bows or hair bands in she looks super cute! She loves interacting with my kids who all adore her and fight over who plays with her before and after school. She's slightly nervous around DH but that's understandable, he can look a bit scary (sorry, dear!). And I have learnt that sudden loud noises or unexpected people turning up can upset her so I make sure I'm on hand for a cuddle.

She's not walking yet but can be quite speedy with her bottom-shuffling, and she can climb up and down sofas with ease so can reach most of what she wants without help. I kept two boxes of baby toys for my friends with children of a younger age and she loves pottering about in them. Mostly, I let her do her own thing whilst I'm in the room (she's currently tearing apart an empty cereal box whilst I type this!) as I am a firm believer of allowing children to explore as long as it's safe, they are being watched, and are not destroying anything precious! There is Lego in the room but we made a barrier with a table and chairs and it works surprisingly well with both babies and toddlers - my kids would be very sad if their Lego town got destroyed! My cousin's daughter, fortunately, doesn't appear to be one of those children who puts everything in their mouth (although I would never assume and leave her alone with anything small) but it's better to be safe than sorry so the Lego, marbles and anything else is put up high or behind the barrier.
Although my three boys were close in age (18 months between them), there was a 4 year difference between DS3 and DD so I have learnt a few tricks on how to have different age appropriate toys in the same room. However, I love to make friends go "euww" when I relate the tale of when DD swallowed the little Lego flowers which made it back into the collection after a couple of days!

Anticipation, I find, is the key - if you can anticipate what a child may grab/pull over/fiddle with then you can be ahead of the game and remove anything that might be dangerous before an accident occurs.

This is not to say that I watch her every minute of the day, but if I am in the next room then I keep checking on her regularly. And if it goes quiet then I definitely need to check! I remember when DS1 was M's age I had left him playing in his bedroom whilst I cleaned the bathroom. Chuffed with the end result of my now gleaming bathroom, I walked into his room to find him coated in Sudocrem nappy cream! It was all over the carpet as well as his clothes and an absolute nightmare to clean (I may have binned his clothes) but he had thoroughly enjoyed himself!

My prima donna!

On another occasion more recently I had left DH in charge when I was out for the day, and upon returning noticed DD was missing. "She's upstairs" DH nochanantly explained, to which I nervously enquired for how long, already heading towards the stairs. My fears were confirmed when I found DD happily playing with my make-up bag,
delighted to have been given the chance, uninterrupted, to have free rein on all of Mummy's collection. Pencil tips were nicely mashed, eye-shadows were all blended into one, and an array of colours now featured on my bedding - I was not happy! After removing it all out of reach, I hastened downstairs to inform DH of the golden rule - always check on quiet children! I think he was just glad of the peace...

As much as I like to treat M as one of my own, there are certain things I don't do because she's not my child. I certainly don't do much cleaning! I probably spend more time with her, but then I only have her twice a week and she goes home at 5.30pm so I like to make the most of it. I'm imagining this is what being a grandparent will be like! I know that anything needing doing in the house can be tackled on the other days in the week and will be a lot easier without any children about, but I used to have to do it all when my own children were young. I have to admit that I have quickly gotten used to not having any interruptions now when I'm pottering about at home, and I seemed to have forgotten very easily how demanding young children can be. It's only now having M twice a week that I am reminded of those years past and appreciate what a tough job we stay-at-home parents have!

Now, when I am tackling any household chore, I can start whenever I am ready without having to clock watch in case it is nearly time for a child's meal/pick up or drop off at nursery/school - usually there was never enough time to actually finish the chore! I can put on some music or watch a tv programme and go off into my own little world, instead of constantly checking on children or being interrupted with choruses of "Mummy!" I can choose to finish the job even if my tummy is rumbling, instead of knowing I'll need to prepare some lunch for midday so there is time for the child to have an afternoon nap before fetching an older sibling otherwise we'll slip into the danger area of younger child falling asleep before tea and then not wanting to go to bed at a reasonable hour! I also don't need to stop to help a child with a snack/drink/putting on a dressing up outfit/reaching something as now all of mine are pretty much capable of doing everything themselves, and if DD needs help there is usually a useful older brother to hand!

Sometimes in the afternoon I often need a quick power nap (to recover from an interrupted night's sleep or the mad morning rush), but when mine were young I had to do it when they were asleep, which didn't always coincide with when I felt tired. I used to snuggle on the sofa with DD after lunch and, more often than not, she'd fall asleep just as I was giving up on getting 40 winks and be wide awake again. The midwife's mantra of "you sleep when the baby sleeps" is not always easy!

M does not do naps, much like DS2, so if I am particularly tired (which is normally Mondays - the early morning rush is a bit of a shock to the system!), I can only manage a lie-down on the sofa whilst watching her play. This means a very early night later for me, and DH wonders why I am going to bed so early.

The day really goes by quickly when I have M - after the school run we pop to the local supermarket, which she loves and is very well behaved, so we get back home around 10am.









I never have time for breakfast before school so will give her a snack when we get back whilst I tuck into a bowl of cereal. Then we'll have a play and if she's happy I'll do a bit of clearing-up in the kitchen or work on the computer in the playroom with her. I always used to feed mine lunch at midday so do the same with her, and I try to eat something at the same time as I always thought it was nicer to eat together. Of course, I can eat my lunch in about 5 minutes flat but you have to be patient with children so lunch can take half an hour! Fortunately, M's Mum gives me a lovely selection of organic pre-prepared lunch pots which are microwaveable so it doesn't take long to heat up. The variety and quality of baby foods now is amazing, much better than when mine were young, and look and taste homemade. As I said before, M is an excellent eater and will try anything so it's very easy feeding her. Having had a mix of good eaters and bad with my own (DS1 would only eat plain rice and pasta for his first three years and DS2 ate everything in sight) I know only too well how rare this is! After lunch and I have cleared up, we might pop to another Mum's for a cuppa, which is not only good for M to mix with other children, but good for me as they entertain her! I can see the difference now from the days when I would pop round on my own and those when I have M - I had forgotten how difficult it was to drink a cup of tea without having to put it down (up high!) or be able to offer assistance to my friend as I have M on my lap. Since all mine went to school, I have gotten used to being able to help my friends with their little ones as I know how hard it is juggling everything, so it was weird to be right back there, chasing round after M and making sure she was fed/watered whilst leaving my friends to it.

I then take M on the school run again and we're back home by about 4pm. Time for a snack and a drink and playtime (this time my children take over entertaining so I can enjoy a bit of peace!) before Dad comes to fetch M around 5.30pm. 

When she's gone, we miss her, but I can see how much easier it is without her. Parenting when they're young really is a 24 hour job - not every day, but it can be. I try to instil a routine but on a day-to-day basis there are always changes. They keep us on our toes - always having to second guess their needs, demanding our attention, changing their likes and dislikes. 

Having this time with M has made me value my child-free time and finally appreciate how hard I worked when my kids were young. I was always feeling guilty that I didn't do enough and couldn't understand why I felt constantly tired, but now looking back I see that looking after the children was the hardest job I have ever done. 

There are still busy times with the kids now but at least I get a breather in the day and some time to myself. I refuse to feel guilty about having lunches out and seeing my friends as I know the evenings will be mad busy, as are the mornings. And I wish I understood see then what I can understand now so I spent less time worrying about everything else and more time focussing on and enjoying time with the kids!

My tribe

Disclaimer: As always, all views are unbiased and my own 

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Gaming Technology - Friend or Foe?!

During the holidays and even now the children are back to school, I seemed to be enduring constant battles and negotiations about whether the kids can play on their games and for how long, so I thought I would write a post about it to see if other parents were having the same quandry. 

If I was talking about board games or make-believe or indeed any game involving some sort of sports equipment, then I wouldn't hesitate to say yes to their demands, but I am of course referring to the new generation's obsession with computer gaming.

Iphone and Ipad (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 (Photo credit: jisc_infonet)

PC's, Xbox's, PS's, ipod's, ipad's, mini ipad's, laptops....I am sure there are others but these are the main ones that my children play on, and with each machine there comes many, many different games.

I remember when I got my first smart phone and was amazed at the quality of the games you could download directly onto the phone, and the speed that they appeared, ready to play. I loved the fact that if I was ever caught somewhere having to wait, I could fish out my phone and wile away the minutes (or hours!), completely absorbed. As my children got past toddler stage, I then realised it became a marvellous distraction device to keep them happy whilst we waited for food at a restaurant, or an appointment at the doctors, or simply at a friend's house so I could have an actual grown-up conversation! Being my mobile phone meant I always had it with me so it was so easy.

As my eldest reached double figures, the new ipod touch was available, and, as that meant he could play on all the games I had on my phone but on his own device, I was more than happy that he spent his Christmas and birthday money on one. DS2 soon followed, DS3 got his first at an earlier age simply because his brothers already had them and he was left out, and now I am only left negotiating with DD as to what age she will be allowed one (she's currently only 6)!

But the build-up towards the devices and games they play on now from when they were small seems very gradual.

Before the ipod/ipad revolution, we had a Playstation 1 and then 2 when DS1 and 2 were babies/toddlers (DH is a keen gamer), so when they were old enough there were lots of film related games available, such as Monsters Inc and The Simpsons, that they loved. We also had PC games but the PC's never lasted very long before getting itself tied up in knots with viruses and ceasing to work, but the boys did enjoy playing a few games on disks for a while. Various laptops were bought cheaply but again never lasted very long without having to be wiped and reinstalled so they soon lost interest. 

DH loving his new apple mac

About five years ago, my mum very generously bought DH an apple mac laptop and when we were so impressed with, it she bought me a matching one! 

It has never gone wrong, never needed the hard drive cleaning or servicing and never run slow. The kids use it for their homework and playing Minecraft and the odd internet game, and I of course use it for blogging now! 

DH bought an Xbox and the games were not really suited to younger children so they played more on their ipods and then Mummy's ipad (lovely Christmas present from DH, thanks very much!). By this time, DD was old enough to master some of the games so I had a folder of games for each child which then expanded over onto my ipad as well! After several annoying occasions when I was constantly being asked for my phone or ipad to play on, last year we decided to buy them an ipad mini to share, and I gleefully removed all the kids' games from my devices and got loads of memory back for more of my games!

DS3 enjoying my ipad!

Writing down our own technical advancement into gaming is quite interesting, I can't believe how many systems we have owned over the years! 

There's no doubt the gaming industry has improved so much since the children were young, but because of the high entertainment and quality value now, they could play all day if I let them! 

Nowadays, they only play specific games on their ipods/ipad mini, mainly Celtic Heroes, but they will do it for hours! They can play with their friends in this virtual world (think Big Bang Theory!), sometimes "talking" on-line or even using Skype when playing Minecraft to discuss what to build. I found it slightly eerie hearing an unfamiliar voice barking out instructions all of a sudden as I wandered through the playroom, with DS2 warning said friend that Mum was in the room so watch what you say! I kept asking why they didn't invite the actual friend over for a play but bizarrely they never took up the suggestion. 

DS2 likes watching You Tube videos and checking Facebook as well, and will often "do a Daddy", which is to disappear to the toilet for ages with a device of choice! 

DS3 will play more of a variety of games and try out new ones with his sister or friends but he also has recently got into Celtic Heroes and I hear him joining in the game-related conversations with his brothers, which to me sounds like a foreign language! 

DD enjoys The Sims Freeplay and some tree game (?) and there's a whole host of girlie dressing up games, but at the moment is also as happy to watch tv or play real games with her brother! 

The older two now play a lot on the Xbox as well and link up with their friends and virtual "friends", even using a headset. 

Now, I admit that I too enjoy gaming, and will regularly play on one or two games on my ipad. I am appreciative of the graphics of games nowadays, how real it all looks, how you move about virtual settings is so much fun and the scope of what you can do is truly amazing. I get how enjoyable it is and understand why my kids love it. What I have a bug bear about is the amount of time they spend on said games. What is a reasonable time? Half an hour? An hour? Two hours?! As I have said, left to their own devices, my oldest two would play all day! Sometimes, I am happy for them to play as it suddenly becomes a very quiet household. When I get together in the holidays with two other Mums and their kids, there are 13 children between us so to let them game together means we can have a proper chat! 

I also use gaming as a good reward if they do as they're asked. Never have I seen my boys shower, dress and brush teeth so quick when there is a promise of a go on the games afterwards! Rooms get cleaned in record time, extra chores are enthusiastically undertaken and silly behaviour ceases immediately when a ban on games is threatened!

But despite the positives, I still feel a limit needs to set, I don't want my children's lives wasted on constant game playing. They should have it as a part of their life, an afterthought when other activities have been exhausted, not the one thing everything else revolves around. I know through experience that hours will pass unwittingly when using technology, and everything else is forgotten, and even when you come off the game, the brain takes time to adjust back to real life again.

So after some deliberation, DH and I have decided that gaming is not allowed at all during a school week, and at the weekend they are allowed an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon, with another short go on their ipods after dinner. This may sound a bit harsh, but we had tried letting them play in the week after homework had been completed and bags packed for the next day, but they rushed the homework and became unfocussed on school work so equipment and PE kits were left behind!

It was difficult as they moaned and complained that all their friends were allowed to play as much as they liked, but we felt as parents we had to encourage them to find alternative activities and, once they knew we were not backing down, they got used to it and have become interested in their drawing and a bit of Lego building again. A couple of times, they have even gone to their rooms for a nap as they realised how tired they were, something that gaming doesn't help! The bags under their eyes are receding, their temperament is much better, and DS2 hasn't sleepwalked all week!

As with all things in life, it seems a good balance of everything really does work!

My boys doing something other than gaming!

Disclaimer: I have not been paid for this post, all views are my own and unbiased

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Smurf On!

Last weekend, I took my two youngest to Covent Garden, London, to watch the new Smurfs movie, a complimentary viewing for a select number of bloggers and their families supplied by Jakks Pacific to launch their new Smurf-tastic toy range. This was my first experience of a blogging event and I was very much looking forward to it.

DD was so excited, she kept asking every day for two weeks since I told her we were going if today was the day! When I shook her gently awake on Sunday morning at stupid o'clock (we had to catch the 7.30am train in order to arrive in time for our special showing), the first thing she said upon opening her eyes was "we're going to see the Smurfs" and literally bounced out of bed!

Smurftastic!

Having carefully laid out her white clothes and Smurf hat chosen especially for the viewing, she was dressed and ready for her Smurfy adventure! Once we had met up with my friend and her family (madmumof7), she was even game for a bit of blue facepaint!

When we had all gathered on the platform to wait for our train, it was quite a sight - it looked like a Smurf takeover!

An unusual sight

A quick train ride and we arrived in London Euston in record time. The excitement built as we hopped on the infamous London Underground and the children enjoyed another train ride. (Despite living so close to London, we don't visit our buzzing capital that often so it was a fun trip for the adults too!)

As we exited the Underground and walked towards the cinema, I marvelled at the quietness of the streets - I have never seen London so calm (not surprising as it was only 8.30am and a Sunday morning!) and I loved it. I made a mental note to plan to come again at the same time and watch the bustling city gradually awake, breezing into cafe's and shops as they opened their doors.

After stopping for a quick coffee & toilet break, it was time to join the other Smurfs. It was great to see the other bloggers' families dressed in a variety of Smurf costumes, including an adorable Smurf baby and a very cute Papa Smurf!

When the doors opened, we were greeted enthusiastically by blue-haired hostesses and bespectacled hosts with lots of oohs and aahs as they saw the children's costumes.
They engaged the children in animated conversations whilst the parents confirmed our arrival, and then invited us to choose a drink, bag of popcorn and bag of sweets each for the movie.

When we were led into the theatre, a Benny Hill scene played out as we shuffled our party of 10 in one row, found it didn't seat all of us, shuffled into another, swopped seats around so the kids sat next to their friend of choice, and then just before the movie started most of the kids moved to the front row leaving the adults spaced far apart!

Being a Smurf fan from an early age myself and enjoying the first Smurf movie, I was looking forward to watching number 2 almost as much as the kids, and I'm pleased to say I wasn't disappointed. It was a great family movie with laugh-out-loud moments, even for the adults, and a lovely moral-of-the-story ending. The animation was amazing and my children have never kept so still and quiet.

Getting to watch the movie was a fantastic invitation on its own, but the fun didn't stop when the credits started rolling. Enter the blue haired ladies and bespectacled men again to further entertain the children with fun and games in the after-movie party!

Fantastically organised, the children were divided into groups, making sure families and friends were together, and led to one of the fun activities. Our group's first was a treasure hunt where DS3 found the first hidden smurf toy, then a photo with Smurfette, a science lesson in making Smurf juice, and lastly a chance for the kids to peek into Smurf world.










We also got a chance to look at the Jakks Pacific toy range and I noticed lots of children's eyes light up as they saw them.

Once every group had taken part in each activity, it was time to announce the winner of the best dressed Smurf, but generously there was not one prize but four! The runners up got a selection of figures and playsets from the Jakks toy range and although my children didn't win, I was very pleased to see my friend's daughter receive a prize. She couldn't wait to get it home and was already playing with it when I popped round her house half an hour after we got back!

Every child also received a party bag when we left with a Smurf figure and other bits and pieces, so everyone was a winner,  and DD was very pleased to find a Smurfette in hers!

Many thanks to Corinna Henson of @nortonandco for inviting us and making it a totally Smurf-tastic day for everyone!

Smurf On!

Disclaimer I was not employed to write this review and all the opinions are honest and my own

Summer holidays - "yay!" or "argh!" ?

The long summer holiday are upon us and I know this fills some with dread and panic and others with a huge feeling of relief.

Six weeks is a long time, and although most of us look forward to a break (from the annoying alarm call to begin the mad morning school dash, the headache of trying to remember a variety of school events through the year and the myriad of essentials the little darlings need for said events, the exhausting flurry of after-school activities ensuring each child is in the right place at the right time), some of us despair as we wonder what to do to keep the children amused.

Over recent years, our British summers have been not-so-summery, which adds to the problem - not only do you have all your children in one place, but often stuck under the same roof looking out the window on to yet another grey, wet day.

Usually, having a large family is a good thing, plenty of others to play with, but unfortunately it seems a couple of weeks in the novelty has worn off and fighting ensues, and being stuck indoors does not  help the problem. And I haven't found this getting easier as the kids get older, sometimes it's worse!

When mine were younger, it was hard to juggle keeping the older ones amused whilst keeping the baby's needs met - no, mummy can't get out the paints/play duck, duck goose, she's feeding DS3! All I could do was let them know that when DS3 was fed/nappy changed/put down for a nap, then we could do something together. Just make sure you do as promised otherwise they won't believe you next time! I found the best thing about the holidays was the removal of the time restraints - I didn't have to clock watch to get everyone ready to pick up DS1 from school or DS2 from nursery, so if we started a painting session at 2.30pm it didn't matter!

If the weather was too wet to go outside I would keep them entertained with a few crafty activities, broken up with their favourite tv programmes (especially if I had to focus attention on baby at the time) - thank goodness for the little black box! Sometimes I would have an urge to bake and let the older ones "help" - yes it got messy and needed patience but they loved it! When they got older and the marvellous invention of the Wii arrived, I encouraged them to play the active games on it to get them moving and get some exercise when they couldn't play outside. There were lots of "challenge" type games (boxing, tennis, running) where they could get rid of some excess energy. 

Lego bricks (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We would also have movie afternoons with popcorn, drawing sessions, playing Lego (yes, I would join in too - I love Lego!) - just think of stuff your kids like doing and join in, they love it when mum plays too! Housework and chores can be fitted in around the activities, after all it's our holiday too!

If the weather was fine then we would spend a lot of time in the garden or going for walks in the beautiful area of Ashridge. The boys loved finding sticks to thrash the bracken or build camps and DD was happy in the buggy and later would join in with her brothers. We had many lovely picnics in Ashridge or at Ashridge monument, with family and friends, and it made for a fairly cheap day out.

In the garden, I bought a sandpit which DS1 absolutely loved (and got a bit miffed when DS2 came along and he had to share!), and for DS2's second birthday a purchase of a small plastic climbing frame with tunnel was a big hit as he was much more active than DS1.

We also invested in a small wooden playhouse which they all enjoyed for years, not only serving as a play area but somewhere to keep the ever-growing number of outside toys! It's still standing now, having survived a house move and move of position in the garden, 12 years later!

Now the children are older, I really enjoy the holidays - the boys are quite capable of making their own breakfast, watching tv or playing Lego until 8am when they're allowed to check I'm awake and ask to play on their iPod or iPad games, and even DD will happily join her brothers without coming in to ask mummy first (admittedly after many explanations that "it is the holidays and we don't need to get up for school and it would be nice to let mummy, daddy and her brothers have a lie-in"!) The purchase of a Gro Clock has been really useful so I can change the settings for the sun to "come up" at 7.30am instead of 7am so she knows when she can go and see if anyone else is up! 

Then, even if I am awake at 8am, I can really stay in bed as long as I like, knowing the kids will come and ask me if they need anything, but for the most part they are all happy playing downstairs until I'm ready to jump in the shower.

And I love that feeling in the holidays of being free from clock watching - lunch happens when we're hungry, if I start a chore at 2.30pm then I am safe in the knowledge I'll be able to finish it instead of being interrupted and then forgotten as I leave to pick up from school and ferry kids to different places before getting back to organise tea. Even the evenings are less rushed - if the kids have tea late then they'll go to bed a bit later and it doesn't matter because they don't need to get up for school the next day. All the pressure of making sure the routines are stuck to in term time so everyone gets fed and bathed and enough hours sleep is gone and we can relax a bit!

So the 6 weeks holiday in my house will be filled with having fun, rest and relaxation - but probably interspersed with a few arguments as well, after all we are far from perfect!

Camp building after a picnic in Ashridge

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Like Riding a Bike...

As I've already mentioned, I love children of all ages, and I'm always happy to help my friends with their kids, especially now I'm child-free in the day. I've 'been there, done that' so know how invaluable an extra pair of hands is! I love my friends' toddlers with their unique personalities and even their incessant questioning about the world around them - I always try to answer their questions, mainly because I don't have to listen to them all day every day! I also enjoy the more grown-up conversations I have with both my older children and that of my friends.

But the area I think I'm the most useful for help and advice is for parents of newborns, especially first time.

When I fell pregnant with my first child, I dutifully went to all the pregnancy classes, read countless magazines and books about birth and babies, and even found an American television programme about labour and giving birth, just so I was fully prepared. But, as most new mums will tell you, you are never really prepared for the reality!

I really thought I understood that I would have sleepless nights, no time to myself, be in demand 24 hours a day once my bundle of joy arrived and that I would cope, after all I saw lots of parents doing it, but it was much harder than I ever imagined.

Firstly, I didn't appreciate that I would be trying to recover from a difficult birth at the same time as caring for a newborn (stupid, I know). How can you let your body recover if you are in constant demand?
I was breastfeeding so couldn't even hand feeding times over to DH, and it was every 2 hours in the first few weeks which in turn led to all manner of soreness (I won't go into details, I'm sure some of you ladies know what I mean!).

I also didn't appreciate that I couldn't actually feed myself when I was feeding DS1, and there were numerous "doh!" occasions when I settled down with son nicely latched only to see the remote for the tv on the other side of the room!

I was very lucky, however, that my mum lived twenty minutes away so, when DH went back to work, she came over regularly to make sure I was fed and watered too, and would hold DS1 so I could have a nap (I know, there are lots of reports/people who think you should always put a baby down in their cot to sleep, but they sleep deeper and longer in someone's arms and sleep training can wait. In my experience it made no difference in the end and, if I knew mum was holding my baby, I relaxed and was able to sleep myself, which, frankly, was more important.)

I remember a week after DS1 was born, wanting to take a stroll round the block with my new swanky buggy but having a blind panic about how I would actually do it! Upon mentioning this to mum, she quickly said she'd come too which immediately took the pressure off, and so, half an hour later (it took that long to get both myself and baby ready) I was feeling the sun on my face and an amazing sense of achievement! Since then and three more children later, I remember those early days and smile at my inexperience and fears, as when DS3 came along I thought nothing of marching through town with baby in the buggy, DS2 in reins and one eye on DS1 as he skipped just ahead of us. I even managed to get shopping done as well!

DD aged 18 months

When DD finally started primary school and I "found myself" again,
I missed not being able to use the skills I had gained over the last 11 years so started thinking about what job would use my hard-earned qualification of full time mum of 4.





Whilst waiting for a doctor's appointment with my mum last year, we found ourselves near the midwife's room and a couple with a newborn in a carry seat were sitting opposite. The baby started to cry just as the midwife came out to talk to them and I saw the hesitation and slightly unsure look on the mum's face as she didn't know whether to deal with baby or let her cry.
My instant reaction was to leap up to help, but knew an offer from a random stranger to hold their baby may look a tad creepy, so I resisted!
But it got me thinking that I could be really good at offering help to new parents with their babies.

Photo credit: Shira Golding)

A quick search on the internet when I got home and I found the title for such a job was a doula, or post-pregnancy doula as I wouldn't be helping with the actual birth. According t'internet, I needed no formal qualifications, my own experience of having four children was enough, and, as you cared for the baby with the parent and never took the child out of the house alone, there was no need for the same checks and strict rules that childminding requires.

As luck would have it, my cousin was in the last month of her first pregnancy when they moved to the next town, and when she voiced her fears to my mum about her impending motherhood, we thought it would be the perfect opportunity to trial my possible new career.

So, after a couple of informal meetings to discuss what my cousin wanted me to help with and roughly what hours, I excitedly waited for news of baby's arrival.

After letting mum and dad bond with their new baby for the first week, I popped round for a short visit to meet baby and check when she would need me to come to help out properly. It seemed appropriate to start when her husband finished his paternity leave and she'd had a couple of days on her own to see when I would be most useful.

When I started, I was conscious of letting my cousin largely take care of baby herself, and would only intervene when I saw she was struggling, or offer advice where needed. Fortunately she had quite a laid back attitude to parenting so we got along well. I would always make it clear that it was entirely up to her what she did with my advice, I was certainly not being judgemental. Although I had numerous years of experience, at the end of day this was her baby and she had every right to bring up her child as she saw fit!

As her husband worked at the weekends, he was at home Mondays and Tuesdays, and she often went to her parents' house for the weekend, so I was only needed two days a week for a couple of hours but this was always made flexible as babies patterns are constantly changing. My main role was taking care of baby so my cousin could have a nap if it had been a particularly bad night, or catching up with washing (babies go through a heck of a lot of clothes!), and, as the weeks went by, I accompanied her to the shops or out for a coffee so she wasn't worried about being on her own if baby kicked up a fuss (as it was, baby slept the whole way anyway!)
I felt my role was that of an auntie or granny, to assist where needed until the mother felt confident to go it alone. I offered tips on nappy changing, bathing baby, helped with transferring from breast to bottle (mum was to return to work), and general health concerns that all new parents worry about, and I thoroughly enjoyed it! I was a little worried I wouldn't remember how to look after a baby but of course it all came flooding back, you never forget!

Unfortunately, DH's work was too busy for me to advertise my role properly, so I am now just hoping for opportunities arising from word of mouth through friends, but I can definitely see that being a doula is perfect for me - what could be better than cuddling newborns for a few hours and then handing them back?!!

My DS, 1, 2, and 3, all grown up

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Thoughts of the Day

Remembering a conversation I had with my good friend at the weekend, I wanted to share our conversation in case it is of any help to parents of young ones out there.

She was apologising again for the behaviour of her youngest two (5 years and 3 years old, boy and girl respectively), although quite unnecessarily. The boy was having a whinge with tears over something he wanted to do/have even though he'd been told several times "no", a scene very familiar with all parents I'm sure. To be fair, it wasn't the first time he threw a wobbly over the course of the weekend and mum was, quite understandably, getting quite fed up with it. I felt she dealt with it very well, calmly taking the child to one side to talk to. Upon her return and apologising once again, we chatted about why he started all this "crying like a baby" recently.

DD being spoilt at Christmas

As a third party, I could see a pattern that I was familiar with. Like her, I had three boys followed by a girl. Much loved as my boys are, I was very happy to have a daughter, if only to balance the boy/girl ratio out - I myself have three brothers so there is an abundance of males in our family! Of course, being the first and only girl I went slightly overboard in the baby girl clothes and toy sections of shops so she was totally spoilt.






When she got to walking and talking age, I watched her interaction with her brothers with interest.
Children are so quick to realise that certain behaviour breeds certain reactions, and she understood at a young age that being the youngest meant she could get away with things that her brothers never could.
Naturally, you would favour the younger child if they wanted a toy their sibling was playing with, the older one being told to "share".
The older ones were always asked to help their younger sister, to protect her and look after her, and it probably seemed in their eyes that she got her own way all the time whereas the parents just wanted a quiet life! The youngest obviously needs more doing for them because of their age, but, from another child's point of view it seems that their sister is just receiving all the attention. So they do whatever necessary to get their parents' attention back on them and even it is negative, it is still better than none at all.

So how did my friend's 5 year old get some of the attention back to him, the way it was before baby sister arrived? Seeing that crying seemed to have the desired effect, it's not surprising he used this as a tool to get his parents' attention, which is the conclusion my friend's DH came to.

It is hard for a young child to cope with the arrival of a new sibling so try to make sure they still get as much attention as the youngest when at home. After all, during the day when the older ones are at school, the youngest gets a few hours of you all to themselves.
If the younger one is always taking the older one's toys, try to intercept before it happens by offering them something else. Prevention is better than cure!
My friend also complained that the kids never listened to her instruction, and I remembered a trick my mum used to use when she was running the Montessori school - gently place your hands on either side of the child's face so they have to look at you whilst you talk and this will make sure you have their full attention.
And try not to always favour the youngest - they have to learn too sometimes!

I hope my friend and DH do not still feel bad about their children's behaviour - it is a perfectly normal stage of children's development. They are both fantastic parents, and it will improve as the children get older. Then we'll have a whole host of new problems to deal with!

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Post-holiday lessons learnt, hints and tips!

Packed car-not ours! (Photo credit: XPeria2Day)

After several reminders to my dear children about  their packing, I actually only needed to find DS2's second pair of socks, the others amazingly did as told, so I stuffed each pile of clothes into a sports bag (I finally let go of my compulsive urge to iron recently, realising it was pointless  with my boys - the clothes looked crumpled again after five minutes of wearing anyway! Now I only iron select items and my ironing pile no longer resembles Mount Everest) and gathered together the rest of the packing. 

Approaching the packing like a game of Tetris, I managed to get everything in including four fold-up chairs, 3 boogie boards, six bath towels and six beach towels, three large sports bags of clothes and toiletries, a box of food and necessaries, a box of alcohol (to be shared with our friends who were also going!), a picnic basket, two bags of shoes (one was just for me!), and all the blankets, cuddly toys and pillows that the kids wanted to bring!

I'm pleased to report that DD did not disappear under a pile of belongings and I didn't forget anything essential.

Upon arriving at the site, discovered that they had managed to put our friends in the same area as requested earlier in the week, only three caravans down, so a great start. We have visited many different Park Resort sites over the years and must say we have always found the staff friendly and happy to help. They encourage guests to name members of staff who shine and this scheme really works to create a great customer service - credit given where credit due.

Our caravan was clean and spacious with a large living room and a second toilet, much needed with a large family! The layout of this caravan was better than some of the other ones we've stayed in - the doors didn't bash together if you left them open, the bathroom was roomy and there seemed to be more storage and handy hooks everywhere for towels, coats and even dressing gowns!

This time, I remembered to bring a bath mat (soggy carpet or wet floor in the bathroom isn't pleasant!), loo roll (you can get it at the site shop but everyone is always dying to go after the journey so better to bring your own!), tea towels, a hand towel for the bathroom. When we arrived, it was raining and had been all day so, even though we took our shoes off, the entrance quickly became wet and dirty and I wished I had brought my much-loved slippers!

We ate our evening meal on site, expecting not to be cheap but it wasn't horrendously expensive either, and let the children have a small, set amount of money to use on the amusements. Our policy is "once it's gone, it's gone" and make it clear they will not get more - ours tend to stick to the 2p machines so their money lasts longer! They still have fun and most machines deliver extra prizes like key rings or sweets to make it more enjoyable. Whilst they played on the machines we watched the entertainment and allowed them one drink of choice. Once their money had gone, they joined us and we all ended up having a boogie on the dance floor with the free entertainment.

The following day was rather cloudy, so we decided to make Sunday the beach day as the weather was forecast to be better, and headed for the pier so the kids could go on the rides.






After a confab with our friends, we decided the wristbands would be the best option. Even thought they were £10 per child, they could go on all the rides as many times as they wanted and wouldn't be pestering us for money or leaving us faffing about with tickets. There were plenty of benches to sit and watch them and later when DS1 was less enthusiastic about going on more rides (he did the dodgems ten times over!), put him in charge of DD and retired outside for some sunshine and a drink.

Lunch wasn't too pricey either, £2.50 for a kids meal (drink not included), and a good selection, and we ate on the pier whilst the sun broke through the clouds and the water lapped below us. After lunch we walked to the very end of the pier as a way of letting the food go down before the kids went back on the rides!

At 5pm the wrist bands ran out, so we walked back to the caravans in the sunshine with an ice cream in hand, the children looking tired but happy.

The clouds were clearing nicely so we offered beans on toast or ham sandwiches for tea which we had brought with us and they played football outside until the sun set. There was a band playing in the evening at the clubhouse so we headed over to take a look but didn't stay long as the kids were so tired. It kept our spending to a minimum! (We sat outside after putting the kids to bed as it was still warm, drink in hand from the supply we had brought!)

We woke to glorious blue skies on Sunday as promised by Mr Weatherman, so, after breakfast from our supplies in the caravan, everyone helped carry supplies to the beach - even the little ones took buckets and spades.
Setting up camp in a good spot, we made ourselves comfy in the fold-up chairs and watched the kids enjoying themselves. We had fish and chips for lunch (not cheap but the portions were enormous so everyone shared) and had brought our own drinks and sauce to keep costs to a minimum. There was the obligatory ice cream in the afternoon but the rest of the day was cost free. Obviously, the weather ensured a relatively cheap day out and in this country you can never rely on it, but we always seem to get at least one day of good weather.
I was glad I had packed the boogie boards as the older boys used them a lot, and although finding room in the car for the buckets and spades was tricky, it saved spending more money when we got there and kept the younger ones amused.

So, a great weekend was had by all, and after adding it all up it came to about £350 (including the caravan) which I didn't think was too bad - prices for caravans alone in the summer are going for the same amount for a lower grade caravan. Holidaying in the UK can be very costly and we always feel it's not worth it as you cannot guarantee the weather so I would advise looking for last minute bookings when the weather ahead looks good, or keeping an eye out for special offers. Caravan sites know people aren't going to book if the weather is poor so they try hard to entice you to go! Try to bring as much as you can food, drink or entertainment wise, then you won't have unexpected costs, and have contingency plans for free activities if the weather misbehaves. We had discussed bringing wellies and coats if we weren't lucky so we could still go to the beach!

Happy holidaying!

Disclaimer I was not paid to write this post and all the views are my own