Remembering a conversation I had with my good friend at the weekend, I wanted to share our conversation in case it is of any help to parents of young ones out there.
She was apologising again for the behaviour of her youngest two (5 years and 3 years old, boy and girl respectively), although quite unnecessarily. The boy was having a whinge with tears over something he wanted to do/have even though he'd been told several times "no", a scene very familiar with all parents I'm sure. To be fair, it wasn't the first time he threw a wobbly over the course of the weekend and mum was, quite understandably, getting quite fed up with it. I felt she dealt with it very well, calmly taking the child to one side to talk to. Upon her return and apologising once again, we chatted about why he started all this "crying like a baby" recently.
As a third party, I could see a pattern that I was familiar with. Like her, I had three boys followed by a girl. Much loved as my boys are, I was very happy to have a daughter, if only to balance the boy/girl ratio out - I myself have three brothers so there is an abundance of males in our family! Of course, being the first and only girl I went slightly overboard in the baby girl clothes and toy sections of shops so she was totally spoilt.
When she got to walking and talking age, I watched her interaction with her brothers with interest.
Children are so quick to realise that certain behaviour breeds certain reactions, and she understood at a young age that being the youngest meant she could get away with things that her brothers never could.
Naturally, you would favour the younger child if they wanted a toy their sibling was playing with, the older one being told to "share".
The older ones were always asked to help their younger sister, to protect her and look after her, and it probably seemed in their eyes that she got her own way all the time whereas the parents just wanted a quiet life! The youngest obviously needs more doing for them because of their age, but, from another child's point of view it seems that their sister is just receiving all the attention. So they do whatever necessary to get their parents' attention back on them and even it is negative, it is still better than none at all.
So how did my friend's 5 year old get some of the attention back to him, the way it was before baby sister arrived? Seeing that crying seemed to have the desired effect, it's not surprising he used this as a tool to get his parents' attention, which is the conclusion my friend's DH came to.
It is hard for a young child to cope with the arrival of a new sibling so try to make sure they still get as much attention as the youngest when at home. After all, during the day when the older ones are at school, the youngest gets a few hours of you all to themselves.
If the younger one is always taking the older one's toys, try to intercept before it happens by offering them something else. Prevention is better than cure!
My friend also complained that the kids never listened to her instruction, and I remembered a trick my mum used to use when she was running the Montessori school - gently place your hands on either side of the child's face so they have to look at you whilst you talk and this will make sure you have their full attention.
And try not to always favour the youngest - they have to learn too sometimes!
I hope my friend and DH do not still feel bad about their children's behaviour - it is a perfectly normal stage of children's development. They are both fantastic parents, and it will improve as the children get older. Then we'll have a whole host of new problems to deal with!
She was apologising again for the behaviour of her youngest two (5 years and 3 years old, boy and girl respectively), although quite unnecessarily. The boy was having a whinge with tears over something he wanted to do/have even though he'd been told several times "no", a scene very familiar with all parents I'm sure. To be fair, it wasn't the first time he threw a wobbly over the course of the weekend and mum was, quite understandably, getting quite fed up with it. I felt she dealt with it very well, calmly taking the child to one side to talk to. Upon her return and apologising once again, we chatted about why he started all this "crying like a baby" recently.
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| DD being spoilt at Christmas |
When she got to walking and talking age, I watched her interaction with her brothers with interest.
Children are so quick to realise that certain behaviour breeds certain reactions, and she understood at a young age that being the youngest meant she could get away with things that her brothers never could.
Naturally, you would favour the younger child if they wanted a toy their sibling was playing with, the older one being told to "share".
The older ones were always asked to help their younger sister, to protect her and look after her, and it probably seemed in their eyes that she got her own way all the time whereas the parents just wanted a quiet life! The youngest obviously needs more doing for them because of their age, but, from another child's point of view it seems that their sister is just receiving all the attention. So they do whatever necessary to get their parents' attention back on them and even it is negative, it is still better than none at all.
So how did my friend's 5 year old get some of the attention back to him, the way it was before baby sister arrived? Seeing that crying seemed to have the desired effect, it's not surprising he used this as a tool to get his parents' attention, which is the conclusion my friend's DH came to.
It is hard for a young child to cope with the arrival of a new sibling so try to make sure they still get as much attention as the youngest when at home. After all, during the day when the older ones are at school, the youngest gets a few hours of you all to themselves.
If the younger one is always taking the older one's toys, try to intercept before it happens by offering them something else. Prevention is better than cure!
My friend also complained that the kids never listened to her instruction, and I remembered a trick my mum used to use when she was running the Montessori school - gently place your hands on either side of the child's face so they have to look at you whilst you talk and this will make sure you have their full attention.
And try not to always favour the youngest - they have to learn too sometimes!
I hope my friend and DH do not still feel bad about their children's behaviour - it is a perfectly normal stage of children's development. They are both fantastic parents, and it will improve as the children get older. Then we'll have a whole host of new problems to deal with!
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