For the next couple of months I am helping out my cousin with childcare to fill in the gap before a "proper" childminder can take on her daughter of 17 months. I had already helped out after her daughter was born, an ideal opportunity to see if I would be any good at being a post-natal doula (see more about that here: Like Riding a Bike), so I was very pleased to be able to become a part of her life again.
She's a lovely girl, very laid back, thoughful, interested in the world around her, and a great eater (parents of fussy eaters like my DS1 will appreciate how crucial that is!). Her Dad is African so she has the most amazing curly hair and when mum puts bows or hair bands in she looks super cute! She loves interacting with my kids who all adore her and fight over who plays with her before and after school. She's slightly nervous around DH but that's understandable, he can look a bit scary (sorry, dear!). And I have learnt that sudden loud noises or unexpected people turning up can upset her so I make sure I'm on hand for a cuddle.
She's not walking yet but can be quite speedy with her bottom-shuffling, and she can climb up and down sofas with ease so can reach most of what she wants without help. I kept two boxes of baby toys for my friends with children of a younger age and she loves pottering about in them. Mostly, I let her do her own thing whilst I'm in the room (she's currently tearing apart an empty cereal box whilst I type this!) as I am a firm believer of allowing children to explore as long as it's safe, they are being watched, and are not destroying anything precious! There is Lego in the room but we made a barrier with a table and chairs and it works surprisingly well with both babies and toddlers - my kids would be very sad if their Lego town got destroyed! My cousin's daughter, fortunately, doesn't appear to be one of those children who puts everything in their mouth (although I would never assume and leave her alone with anything small) but it's better to be safe than sorry so the Lego, marbles and anything else is put up high or behind the barrier.
Although my three boys were close in age (18 months between them), there was a 4 year difference between DS3 and DD so I have learnt a few tricks on how to have different age appropriate toys in the same room. However, I love to make friends go "euww" when I relate the tale of when DD swallowed the little Lego flowers which made it back into the collection after a couple of days!
As much as I like to treat M as one of my own, there are certain things I don't do because she's not my child. I certainly don't do much cleaning! I probably spend more time with her, but then I only have her twice a week and she goes home at 5.30pm so I like to make the most of it. I'm imagining this is what being a grandparent will be like! I know that anything needing doing in the house can be tackled on the other days in the week and will be a lot easier without any children about, but I used to have to do it all when my own children were young. I have to admit that I have quickly gotten used to not having any interruptions now when I'm pottering about at home, and I seemed to have forgotten very easily how demanding young children can be. It's only now having M twice a week that I am reminded of those years past and appreciate what a tough job we stay-at-home parents have!
The day really goes by quickly when I have M - after the school run we pop to the local supermarket, which she loves and is very well behaved, so we get back home around 10am.
I never have time for breakfast before school so will give her a snack when we get back whilst I tuck into a bowl of cereal. Then we'll have a play and if she's happy I'll do a bit of clearing-up in the kitchen or work on the computer in the playroom with her. I always used to feed mine lunch at midday so do the same with her, and I try to eat something at the same time as I always thought it was nicer to eat together. Of course, I can eat my lunch in about 5 minutes flat but you have to be patient with children so lunch can take half an hour! Fortunately, M's Mum gives me a lovely selection of organic pre-prepared lunch pots which are microwaveable so it doesn't take long to heat up. The variety and quality of baby foods now is amazing, much better than when mine were young, and look and taste homemade. As I said before, M is an excellent eater and will try anything so it's very easy feeding her. Having had a mix of good eaters and bad with my own (DS1 would only eat plain rice and pasta for his first three years and DS2 ate everything in sight) I know only too well how rare this is! After lunch and I have cleared up, we might pop to another Mum's for a cuppa, which is not only good for M to mix with other children, but good for me as they entertain her! I can see the difference now from the days when I would pop round on my own and those when I have M - I had forgotten how difficult it was to drink a cup of tea without having to put it down (up high!) or be able to offer assistance to my friend as I have M on my lap. Since all mine went to school, I have gotten used to being able to help my friends with their little ones as I know how hard it is juggling everything, so it was weird to be right back there, chasing round after M and making sure she was fed/watered whilst leaving my friends to it.
When she's gone, we miss her, but I can see how much easier it is without her. Parenting when they're young really is a 24 hour job - not every day, but it can be. I try to instil a routine but on a day-to-day basis there are always changes. They keep us on our toes - always having to second guess their needs, demanding our attention, changing their likes and dislikes.
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| M with Daddy |
She's a lovely girl, very laid back, thoughful, interested in the world around her, and a great eater (parents of fussy eaters like my DS1 will appreciate how crucial that is!). Her Dad is African so she has the most amazing curly hair and when mum puts bows or hair bands in she looks super cute! She loves interacting with my kids who all adore her and fight over who plays with her before and after school. She's slightly nervous around DH but that's understandable, he can look a bit scary (sorry, dear!). And I have learnt that sudden loud noises or unexpected people turning up can upset her so I make sure I'm on hand for a cuddle.
She's not walking yet but can be quite speedy with her bottom-shuffling, and she can climb up and down sofas with ease so can reach most of what she wants without help. I kept two boxes of baby toys for my friends with children of a younger age and she loves pottering about in them. Mostly, I let her do her own thing whilst I'm in the room (she's currently tearing apart an empty cereal box whilst I type this!) as I am a firm believer of allowing children to explore as long as it's safe, they are being watched, and are not destroying anything precious! There is Lego in the room but we made a barrier with a table and chairs and it works surprisingly well with both babies and toddlers - my kids would be very sad if their Lego town got destroyed! My cousin's daughter, fortunately, doesn't appear to be one of those children who puts everything in their mouth (although I would never assume and leave her alone with anything small) but it's better to be safe than sorry so the Lego, marbles and anything else is put up high or behind the barrier.
Although my three boys were close in age (18 months between them), there was a 4 year difference between DS3 and DD so I have learnt a few tricks on how to have different age appropriate toys in the same room. However, I love to make friends go "euww" when I relate the tale of when DD swallowed the little Lego flowers which made it back into the collection after a couple of days!
Anticipation, I find, is the key - if you can anticipate what a child may grab/pull over/fiddle with then you can be ahead of the game and remove anything that might be dangerous before an accident occurs.
This is not to say that I watch her every minute of the day, but if I am in the next room then I keep checking on her regularly. And if it goes quiet then I definitely need to check! I remember when DS1 was M's age I had left him playing in his bedroom whilst I cleaned the bathroom. Chuffed with the end result of my now gleaming bathroom, I walked into his room to find him coated in Sudocrem nappy cream! It was all over the carpet as well as his clothes and an absolute nightmare to clean (I may have binned his clothes) but he had thoroughly enjoyed himself!
On another occasion more recently I had left DH in charge when I was out for the day, and upon returning noticed DD was missing. "She's upstairs" DH nochanantly explained, to which I nervously enquired for how long, already heading towards the stairs. My fears were confirmed when I found DD happily playing with my make-up bag,
delighted to have been given the chance, uninterrupted, to have free rein on all of Mummy's collection. Pencil tips were nicely mashed, eye-shadows were all blended into one, and an array of colours now featured on my bedding - I was not happy! After removing it all out of reach, I hastened downstairs to inform DH of the golden rule - always check on quiet children! I think he was just glad of the peace...
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| My prima donna! |
delighted to have been given the chance, uninterrupted, to have free rein on all of Mummy's collection. Pencil tips were nicely mashed, eye-shadows were all blended into one, and an array of colours now featured on my bedding - I was not happy! After removing it all out of reach, I hastened downstairs to inform DH of the golden rule - always check on quiet children! I think he was just glad of the peace...
As much as I like to treat M as one of my own, there are certain things I don't do because she's not my child. I certainly don't do much cleaning! I probably spend more time with her, but then I only have her twice a week and she goes home at 5.30pm so I like to make the most of it. I'm imagining this is what being a grandparent will be like! I know that anything needing doing in the house can be tackled on the other days in the week and will be a lot easier without any children about, but I used to have to do it all when my own children were young. I have to admit that I have quickly gotten used to not having any interruptions now when I'm pottering about at home, and I seemed to have forgotten very easily how demanding young children can be. It's only now having M twice a week that I am reminded of those years past and appreciate what a tough job we stay-at-home parents have!
Now, when I am tackling any household chore, I can start whenever I am ready without having to clock watch in case it is nearly time for a child's meal/pick up or drop off at nursery/school - usually there was never enough time to actually finish the chore! I can put on some music or watch a tv programme and go off into my own little world, instead of constantly checking on children or being interrupted with choruses of "Mummy!" I can choose to finish the job even if my tummy is rumbling, instead of knowing I'll need to prepare some lunch for midday so there is time for the child to have an afternoon nap before fetching an older sibling otherwise we'll slip into the danger area of younger child falling asleep before tea and then not wanting to go to bed at a reasonable hour! I also don't need to stop to help a child with a snack/drink/putting on a dressing up outfit/reaching something as now all of mine are pretty much capable of doing everything themselves, and if DD needs help there is usually a useful older brother to hand!
Sometimes in the afternoon I often need a quick power nap (to recover from an interrupted night's sleep or the mad morning rush), but when mine were young I had to do it when they were asleep, which didn't always coincide with when I felt tired. I used to snuggle on the sofa with DD after lunch and, more often than not, she'd fall asleep just as I was giving up on getting 40 winks and be wide awake again. The midwife's mantra of "you sleep when the baby sleeps" is not always easy!
M does not do naps, much like DS2, so if I am particularly tired (which is normally Mondays - the early morning rush is a bit of a shock to the system!), I can only manage a lie-down on the sofa whilst watching her play. This means a very early night later for me, and DH wonders why I am going to bed so early.
The day really goes by quickly when I have M - after the school run we pop to the local supermarket, which she loves and is very well behaved, so we get back home around 10am.I never have time for breakfast before school so will give her a snack when we get back whilst I tuck into a bowl of cereal. Then we'll have a play and if she's happy I'll do a bit of clearing-up in the kitchen or work on the computer in the playroom with her. I always used to feed mine lunch at midday so do the same with her, and I try to eat something at the same time as I always thought it was nicer to eat together. Of course, I can eat my lunch in about 5 minutes flat but you have to be patient with children so lunch can take half an hour! Fortunately, M's Mum gives me a lovely selection of organic pre-prepared lunch pots which are microwaveable so it doesn't take long to heat up. The variety and quality of baby foods now is amazing, much better than when mine were young, and look and taste homemade. As I said before, M is an excellent eater and will try anything so it's very easy feeding her. Having had a mix of good eaters and bad with my own (DS1 would only eat plain rice and pasta for his first three years and DS2 ate everything in sight) I know only too well how rare this is! After lunch and I have cleared up, we might pop to another Mum's for a cuppa, which is not only good for M to mix with other children, but good for me as they entertain her! I can see the difference now from the days when I would pop round on my own and those when I have M - I had forgotten how difficult it was to drink a cup of tea without having to put it down (up high!) or be able to offer assistance to my friend as I have M on my lap. Since all mine went to school, I have gotten used to being able to help my friends with their little ones as I know how hard it is juggling everything, so it was weird to be right back there, chasing round after M and making sure she was fed/watered whilst leaving my friends to it.
I then take M on the school run again and we're back home by about 4pm. Time for a snack and a drink and playtime (this time my children take over entertaining so I can enjoy a bit of peace!) before Dad comes to fetch M around 5.30pm.
When she's gone, we miss her, but I can see how much easier it is without her. Parenting when they're young really is a 24 hour job - not every day, but it can be. I try to instil a routine but on a day-to-day basis there are always changes. They keep us on our toes - always having to second guess their needs, demanding our attention, changing their likes and dislikes.
Having this time with M has made me value my child-free time and finally appreciate how hard I worked when my kids were young. I was always feeling guilty that I didn't do enough and couldn't understand why I felt constantly tired, but now looking back I see that looking after the children was the hardest job I have ever done.
There are still busy times with the kids now but at least I get a breather in the day and some time to myself. I refuse to feel guilty about having lunches out and seeing my friends as I know the evenings will be mad busy, as are the mornings. And I wish I understood see then what I can understand now so I spent less time worrying about everything else and more time focussing on and enjoying time with the kids!
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| My tribe |
Disclaimer: As always, all views are unbiased and my own
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